Kids and funerals

So, we've had a rough week. We lost my uncle and my grandfather within days of each other, so we had a funeral yesterday and today. We spoke to FS's therapist and caseworker in detail about their opinions on taking him to the funeral. After much discussion (with and without him) we decided to try it. Two funerals in two days does not a good time make, however it did turn out to be quite a learning experience and, oddly enough, entertaining. Ah...kids.... FS5 met my uncle one time and my grandfather numerous times. I wasn't sure how he'd react to the whole thing. His grandfather died last year so he understood (somewhat) about someone dying and not seeing them anymore (he didn't go to that funeral.)

He's very logically minded and likes to know how things work and asks "why" about EVERYTHING, so we expected lots of questions about this situation. We had multiple conversations over the past couple of weeks and I wanted to pass along what we came up with that seemed to work very well.

One night he was afraid of "ghosts". Now, not to get too involved in religious or belief discussion, basically, I don't want to dismiss his fears of the possibility of ghosts being around, but I think it was a stall tactic before going to bed. I told him ghosts aren't to be feared, they are just spirits of people who used to live and they come down to visit. He asked "Like Grandpa?" I said yes...now "Grandpa comes to visit" every once in a while according to him, but there hasn't been a fear of ghosts since then. So, he knows spirits are like ghosts and spirits go to heaven when people die.

Which leads me to his question of what happens to the body? We were pretty scientific and logical in this explanation. Simply, the spirit doesn't need the body anymore because it's in heaven now, so the body gets put in a safe place (mausoleum, cemetery, etc) while the spirit is always still "alive" in heaven. That being said, we explained that he may still see the body at the funeral and that's because some people still want to see them one last time. Also had to explain things that are appropriate or not appropriate to say about the body (scary, gross, cold, etc...lol). We told him he can ask us but whisper in our ears so not to upset anyone.

Next question, why or how do people die? Well, we were careful not to say they got sick or died in their sleep because we didn't want him to think if he gets a cold he'll die or afraid to go to sleep. We said they lived a long life (which obviously isn't always the case, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it) and did a lot of good things during their life and God told them they were done learning and working here and He said it was time for them to come to heaven and help there.

So, uncle's funeral was yesterday, we prepped him VERY well on appropriate behavior, being quiet, sitting still, no talking. We had a backpack full of quiet activities (stuffed animals, mazes, coloring, books, etc) and while I don't encourage and rarely let him play with phones/tablets, I was willing to pull it out if need be. I was amazed at his behavior! He was slightly restless, but listened and sat still. We didn't even pull out any toys (except in the car, long ride.) He jumped from one person's lap to another every 10-15 minutes, but did it with very little disturbance. He didn't seem the least bit bothered by the open casket and even said "Goodbye Uncle G" as we walked past. He did ask (quietly) to me why they cut off my uncle's legs. No, his legs were not cut off, apparently there wasn't the bulge in the blanket that he expected, so he thought they were cut off! LOL Oh my gosh..... He again behaved well at the cemetery and at the luncheon. I couldn't be prouder and made sure to tell him that and that he should be proud of himself.

That leads me to my grandfather's funeral today, we prepped him again about appropriate behavior, had backpack ready just in case he needed it today. We had a slight fight over what he was wearing, but that's nothing new. We had done most of the preparations for this funeral and were some of his closest family, so we were there from the beginning.

Almost right from the beginning he made pals with the funeral director and employees. I swear, you can't make this stuff up... He started with a tour of the place including the funeral director's office, closets, etc. In one "closet" area was a gurney. He asked what it was for and the funeral director looked at my husband with wide eyes, like "how do I answer this?", then almost right away FS said "Oh, that's probably for the bodies so you can move them easier." LOL Then her eyes got bigger. Well, he is a logical kid! Then he was helping pass out cards and hold open the doors as people were coming in. (We kept trying to pull him away, but he wanted no parts of that and the employees kept pulling him for new "jobs". lol) Suddenly I find him with a "name badge" and flag pin that "all employees wear"! What is happening here? He's such a little charmer...lol

Finally we had the service and he did wonderfully. Again, the funeral director actually came to him and said he's "still on the clock" and asked if he wanted to help dismiss people by aisles. Well, of course he did! lol At the end, he said bye to Poppy and even patted his shoulder on his own. Then, he obviously remembered about Uncle G's "missing feet" so he full out asked to see Poppy's feet! And the funeral director was just more than happy to show him! (After people had mostly left. Boy, this child had people very entertained, I must say.)

I was ready to book it out of there, I didn't want to see them close the casket, I just wanted to get to the car to get ready to follow to the cemetery, but of course the little guy had to see what was happening, so we stayed. (I could have left him with my husband, but I just turned away while it was being closed and carried out, I was ok and glad he wanted to learn....as odd of a thing as it was to learn, still it's good to learn new things.)

So, I'm thinking his "job" is done now...um nope. They asked him to help hand out roses for people to place on the casket. Then, he wanted to stay to watch the casket get lowered. I could not stay for that, I did take off and left him with hubby then. Ok, even odder still (yes, my family is full of oddness), my 11 year old niece and 5 year old FS stood side by side with my niece's arm around FS watching the casket get lowered and my mom asked my husband to take a picture. Honestly, it was a sweet picture, but geez....who takes pictures of this kind of stuff? LOL

Luncheon was fine, nothing overly entertaining, except how many compliments FS got about all his help. Oh my....this child will never stop surprising me. Unfortunately, he apparently had so much "fun" that he's kind of looking forward to the next funeral....um, we have a problem here. I made it very clear, though, that this is NOT how a "normal" funeral will go and he will just be a guest in the future. I don't know how this got out of hand so quickly. lol School will be interesting when we get to career day. "I want to be a funeral director when I grow up." Do you think they'll call a parent conference for that?!

Epiphany

I often will talk to myself...yes, I admit it.  Usually when I'm in the car by  myself.  It kind of ends up being a deep thoughts kind of time for me.  I've been doing it a lot lately with all the foster care stuff going on. 

You may need a little back story to fully appreciate my epiphany, see my Religion versus Spiritualism blog post. 

There are three specific moments that tie into my epiphany. 

1.  We were at a holistic center of some sort years ago, I don't remember exactly what was happening, it may have been a class or maybe a short ritual to welcome the new year or something like that. The specific point relevant to this story is that one woman sitting in front of us, whom I didn't even know, turned around at some point and said to me that I was a healer.  It was a little surprising, I didn't really know why I would be considered a healer.  I don't have a gift with reiki (my husband does though), I don't work in the healthcare field, I didn't really know how "healing energy" connected with me.  (You have to understand, a lot of our beliefs revolve around intuition, reading auras, gut feelings, that kind of thing, so the fact that a random person made a comment about what she "felt" around me wasn't surprising.)  I didn't think much of it after that.

2.  I was at a holistic or spiritual festival, again, years ago, and was just wandering around.  There was a workshop at the side of the huge conference room with a woman talking about auras.  I missed most of it, but happened to be standing behind everyone sitting there when she offered to read some auras.  She started talking to the woman sitting in front of me and after a moment had to stop.  She looked at me and said, sorry, but could I move over?  My aura was distracting her.  LOL  Such an odd thing to hear.  Not something you hear every day.  I moved to the side, about 25 feet away and she kept going.  After another moment she stopped again and apologized to me again but said my energy is so high and my aura is so strong, she's still distracted by it.  I apologized and moved to behind HER so she couldn't see me even out of her peripheral anymore..lol  I do think this ties into my story...bear with me!

3.  We do belong to a small Native American type group (known as a tribe) locally.  Without going into a lot of details and explaining, which would take a while, you just need to know that when someone is asked to join and welcomed in, they get a tribal name, a gift and given a "job" (teacher, warrior, healer, etc), well, I was given "Healer".  Again, this healer thing comes up.  I still don't understand why *I* am a healer, but I'll go with it.  There are a lot of things in this world and in my life I don't understand and just assume that there's a Higher Power that knows best.  

Other things you should know about me to relate to this epiphany:
I have experienced having high "energy" fields before (I mean besides the distracting aura moment..lol) Growing up, my mom often would ask me to rub her head and said I had "healing fingers" (there's that "healing" again), I've had more than one person tell me that my energy is so strong that they feel my emotions, for example, I was annoyed with a lot of crap at work, having a rough and annoying day, was talking to my mom on the phone and she physically started shaking because my emotions and energy was so strong that day.  (I think my mom is very sensitive and empathic, so that could have some to do with her reactions to me as well.)  And, lastly, I break electronics.  No, seriously...I break them.  I don't know how, I don't do it on purpose, it just happens.  I honest-to-goodness think there's some sort of actual energy field in me that screws things up.  I've broken countless computers, cell phones often go screwy with me, I've even broken an EKG machine.  I don't DO anything to them, they just go wonky.

So, in the car, I'm just kind of chatting, daydreaming, thinking about fostercare, etc and out of no where, seriously like a light bulb went off, I feel like I have answers.

I am a healer, I've been told this many times, just don't know what or how I'm healing.  

What if I'm meant to be a "healer" for these foster kids?  What if I'm storing up all of this energy because I don't have any foster kids right now to "heal" so I'm kind of getting overcharged with healing energy with no where to release it yet?!  It sounds so simple to say.  Maybe no one else will really understand the sudden realization that I had and how strongly it felt "right".  I don't care.  (lol...that sounded rude, sorry.)  I just mean, it means something to ME and I feel how "right" it is, so that's most important.  It's ok if no one else gets it, it wasn't meant for them, it was meant for me and I get it.

I seriously cannot wait to finally get approved and get some kiddos in here!  Our CW said, you either love it or you hate it and you'll never know until you experience it.  Maybe I'll be shocked and absolutely hate it (I can't even imagine...and I think I'll be heartbroken since this may be our only option to have children in our lives.)  But I have to continue to think that we'll get approved (still have that stupid lingering doubt of what if!!!)  and we'll get a kiddo (or two) and we'll love them and love the fostercare process and will continue to help these children heal.  It may or may not work out that way, but until I know otherwise, that's what I'm hoping for....and I can't wait!

It sounds like I expect it to be all peaches and cream...lol....I don't.  I definitely don't.  But I do expect it to be extremely rewarding and make those non-peaches-and-cream moments worth it.

Religion versus Spiritualism

Another blog post about an epiphany that I had will touch on our religious beliefs, so I'll sum that up here first, then feel free to read my "Epiphany" blog.

I'm a very spiritual person.  Not very religious, but very spiritual.  Some people don't understand what the difference is.  For me, personally, religion is very structured and has specific rules and usually involves other people, sometimes a lot of other people (ie-church service), being spiritual means I have a personal (and private) connection with a Higher Power, God or whatever you want to call Him.  (I don't think He/She/It cares what you call Him, otherwise that means He has an Ego and He doesn't, right?  Sorry, don't want to get too deep here and don't want to cause any kind of religious debate, just voicing my opinion.)

Anyway, I prefer not to have a title when it comes to religion.  I don't go to church or practice any specific path or faith.  I just don't think it's necessary and I haven't found one that I completely 100% agree with.  I believe what I believe and I think "God" wants us to be good people and do the right thing.  I think it really can be as simple as that.  However, the closest "path" I've found would be a form of Native American or some sort of earth based religion.  I do my own, private, spiritual things, my own version of prayer, meditation, candles, incense, smudging, etc.  My husband feels similar, he's very private, but he mostly considers himself pagan.  (For a great website debunking the stereotype of paganism click here.  Pagans do not worship the devil or sacrifice babies, that's so ridiculous.)

So, how were we raised in regards to religion and what do our families think of our choices?  (We get asked this a lot.)  I was raised in a Christian home, most of my family still practice Christianity, but all of my family supports the choices I make regarding religion/spiritualism.  My husband was raised Catholic and also has respect and support from his family regarding his choices..  We're very lucky that we have families that are open minded and supportive regardless of race, religion, sexual preference, hair color, weird piercings or tattoos, pretty much whatever, as long as we're good people.

It's a shame, but our religious/spiritual beliefs partially caused us to delay in approaching foster care.  Bottom line, there's a lot of negative stereotype in regards to paganism (and several agencies locally are Christian based.)  Luckily, our case worker (and agency) are completely ok with it (as they should be) as long as we're willing to allow the children to practice whatever religion they are used to, comfortable with, prefer, etc.  Of course we are and actually look forward to maybe learning about other customs or practices.

I know I don't have a lot of followers yet (I think maybe one...lol), but regardless, I will welcome any questions or comments regarding our beliefs as long as they're respectful.  It's sad that I even have to say that, but from experience, I know I have to.